im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
