just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
