bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
