So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
