you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
