I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think my moral compass just broke
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
