I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
