i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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