You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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