Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
