It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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