Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
