Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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