And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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