no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
