Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
