My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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