somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
