Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
