Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
