11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
