Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
