i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Houston, we have a blender
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
