Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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