Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
