Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
