i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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