I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
