I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
