ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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