Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
