I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
