you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize