maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
