The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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