i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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