I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
