i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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