Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
