you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
