You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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