They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
