so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
