I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
