please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
