I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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