Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
