So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
