Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
