Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
