I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
