my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
