Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
