if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My pussy is not your playground.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
