omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
