How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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