Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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