when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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