I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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