There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize