Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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