Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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