You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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