he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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