I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
