Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
