he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
