i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
