is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
