gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize