Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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