Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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