he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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