Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
