i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
