i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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