Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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