can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
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Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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