i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
