Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
