I CAN MOONWALK!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
